Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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