I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
