I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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