Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
