I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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