I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My vagina is officially offended.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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