Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
