I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
