one might say we're banned from that church
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
