My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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