I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
