In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Buhtt sex?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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