The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
