Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
