the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I forgot how hot balto sounded
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
