The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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