I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Let's get the cat blown out
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I touched a dick in church today
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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