she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
