i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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