it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
