If that was your dad, he is hot
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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