i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
