I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
