HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
