This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it glows. i had to have it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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