Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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