Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
