WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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