What did we do last night that was yellow?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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