i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
