I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
