I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
