He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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