Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have tasted many bathrooms
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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