he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
