While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
