i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
