after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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