is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
