Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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