woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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