My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
