I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i barfeds in our rink
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
