Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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