I think my fart just growled at me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize