Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
