hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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