i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
