after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
