Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
