youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
