If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize