Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
