The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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