At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
