and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
