I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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