Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
