hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
