Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
