Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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