2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
