oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I deserve this hangover.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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