I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
