sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
