What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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