My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
