I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
