How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
