Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
