Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize