so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
