gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
