Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
