they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
