Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
