I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
