i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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