she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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