It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
