why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
