I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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