There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
