I don't usually arrange sex via text message
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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