It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
