I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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