You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
