I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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