If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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